Ad breaks are marked in the transcript below. The audio player uses the ad-supported feed.
previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Who wasn't in like just in the mindset to really take in any of this information and therefore was a real wiener
you hear this thunderous echoing laughter coming from closer to the mountain and
as you hit the portal Bahamut transforms back into himself and is
Suspended in the portal as you all fall through it and then you land hard all of you
But the wind is knocked out of you and there's this radiating heat around you
Anybody know where we are?
It's hot. I mean Bahamut must have had a plan that we would meet up later. I don't know
Well, we can't stay here. We got to figure out where we are, right?
And you round a corner into this wide chamber. There's this huge throne
across the other side and
In this chamber, there are six chromatic dragons around the outside and in the throne
Is Tiamat
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He him also with me today is Amy More
Ah, yes, she her today. I am playing Sullivan slight
He had and Carla maxed it she her playing glim also
She her Tom Laird he him and I'm playing moot who also goes by he him and Kristen flammons
She her playing Agatha. God lost Kathua. Lovey. She her and
Sean Howard
Kidding playing Tiamat who's very hungry
That's where the boo that's where the boo comes in the Sean Howard
She her all five heads love it so glad to have you all here with with us
Who knew Tiamat would come back would that's not get too much into it because it'll bring back too many sad memories
Oh, we'll be making new ones right now, right? Yeah, making fresh new memories
Sad memories
You know what it's it's yet to be written yet to be paved on how this all plays out
They could be sad. They could be happy. They could be happy sad
Which is its own category in and of itself and where we have many categories of things is over on Patreon Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
Including bonus episodes and hangouts and book clubs and far too many things to count on just one hand
To to might do it, but you can join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
You also get an episode dedicated to you like today's
patron old-school gamer D
Yeah, thank you. They're they're in the discord. My name is D
Good discord contributor for sure. Yeah, glad to have you join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and now fuck it
Let's play
The seven of you it's down into a very hellish
landscape as tunnels the heat is sweltering the smell from coming up ahead is
Aromatic in nature
Aren't all smells aromatic in nature, but you want to you say aromatic you have a distinct like in your own head
Like that's very aromatic. You have a you have your own trigger positive
See, there you go. You thought it was
Cinnamon and nutmeg could be dead decaying bodies
Now I don't know what I'm smelling as you round this bend this this winding tunnel that's
following down further into whatever
landscape that you're following into it
Opens up into a wide chamber and before you you see the five-headed figure of
Tiamat surrounded by five of the nine known chromatic dragons
In the center of this chamber is Tiamat who appears to be toying with
several small humanoid creatures and devils they're running about
Some trying to attack
Some being thrown up in the air and being chomped whole we zoom in on each of the players
First we'll start with a goth. What's your initial reaction to?
Having Tiamat in front of you
Feel like
After the frustration of dealing with Bahamut
And then the dramatic flight away from Celestia
And almost getting thrown off several dragons and then falling through a portal
I feel like there's just like a visible sag to her shoulders
and just like
Is this better?
or
We move down the line to moot
Moot's pretty stoked
That there's dragons here because that's what he first saw and is like, oh great. Like maybe Glim could oh wait
Oh, no, there's five. Oh boy. Oh boy
The camera moves over and then down and we see flaming kids
Who has a glint in her eye and it's like well, I didn't get to fuck Bahamut
so
Round two, I guess
The camera moves over and up and up and up towards Glim
I think Glim
Is
Cautiously optimistic because her love for Bahamut is so great that she feels like I mean
you know that Tiamat is like
pretty bad news, but
She has Bahamut's sister so like maybe maybe there's like something in there and also
Maybe just like hopefully she hates Orcus or something. I mean as always Glim
Optimistic
Against all reason in this situation, I think
Move over and we see Rax in the background Matamar laid over top of them
Rax gives the shake and finally we see Sully. How do we find Sully?
The minute Sully walked and like up to the entrance and saw
Tiamat
He
froze up and
Is looking and he starts to sweat and he's and he's looking at his fellow
adventurers in a
very shifty kind of way
Question are we far enough in that Tiamat has noticed us yet or are we just like peeking in through the entrance?
My I think 36
Acknowledged you but
You could presume she's busy playing with her. Yeah, so we've been clocked, but we are not being acknowledged gotcha
Okay. Well if I know
if Sully knows that
Tiamat sees all
He drops to his knees in a bow and says guys. I'm so sorry. I'll explain it all later
I just really I'm just gonna stay just wait here for for just a second. Like don't judge me. I'm just gonna just
What are you doing?
You should be sorry, oh yeah, I am I am
One of the heads has swiveled and is staring
very intently at Sully
So, you know, you know this bitch. Oh
My god, I'm so sorry. She has a mouth that nobody I just I mean
Maybe you can find it like a little amusing. She's kind of funny and very very inappropriately sexual
But yes, I'm very sorry. I'm so sorry. What should I find you?
Wait, wait, was it
Sullivan Tully bully
No
Sullivan slight I think I think is the name you're looking for. Yeah. Yeah, I'm flaming Kins Glam
I didn't ask your name. Sure. Mm-hmm. We'll talk about that later and
Tiamat turns back to playing with the demons but has clearly lost interest and allows the other dragons to eat the demons
Guys, if you could just like get on your fucking knees if you could just just do me a salad
Okay, just get on just why would we get it?
Is it one knee or both?
Like a full bow or like a curtsy
Why are we doing this what's going on?
Can I do like a squat like is that like I would I would make myself smaller
It feels weird because we'll go quick quick and around. What's your position?
I
Me Kins is standing on her head my god moot one knee down. I'll say left knee moot
No, I already said moot
I think like yeah, like a deep a deep squat with like arms out, but I'm just holding it. It's fine
I'll be fine. What are you like warrior pose?
Too aggressive too aggressive just like
Chair squat, okay, I got I'll take one knee but the whole time just looking at Sully like
This better be worth it. Everybody presents themselves in their own unique way towards you Sullivan
This light is just whispering. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry over and over again
sorry
Clem, who's he sorry to I?
Don't know
I got you guys. Okay, we're just gonna be quiet here is this dragon to my brother give you scones
Let's just give us scones
Fun we could check this kid. No, uh, oh
God sweet business you got off you were carrying the rations. We got sweet biscuits
Ah Sullivan starts emptying his pockets cuz he was he totally has biscuits. There's hard tack. Yeah hard tack
I always have a baguette just in case
Are you pooping?
No, I just I
Mean, I really um
I'm like the number one fan of your brother. So it felt weird
to
About you. I no offense. You're very powerful and like five heads. It's amazing. You look so cool
Thanks. I'm also a fan of my brother. I'll take a baguette
I'm gonna I'm gonna launch it one of the head snatches it out of the air and is munching
That's a hillup baguette. Isn't it? It looked like it
I've stood up now cuz I felt awkward about the pooping comments. So now I'm just sort of awkwardly standing shuffling from foot to foot
Tiamat starts to approach
We're just gonna back us to step up here and
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Why are you so...Sully
I'm not talking to you
Sully why are you so...what's going on
Like I don't think it's the time
Like it's just not the not a good time
No, I think too now is the time. I mean now might be the time
Why I don't know if I can just take an aside with you guys like Tiamat's like right there
Excuse me Tiamat
Uh, all-powerful Tiamat?
Uh, we seem to be having some inner conflict and turmoil amongst our people here.
You're not alone. I've been through many years of such.
Yes, yes, see you.
I recommend this book.
We are the same.
Tiamat turns and there's this giant pile of like a thousand copies of Eat, Pray, Love.
She picks one up in one mouth and drops it in front of you.
Oh wait, there's, does your horse read?
And picks up a copy for each and drops it.
Are these autographed?
You know, I've been, I've been meaning to read this.
We are in the hells.
They are autographed. The author is here in the hells with us.
I make her autograph all of them.
Wow.
That's so impressive.
Turns out it's all a lie. It was fake.
What? The book was fake?
That's why she's here in Avernus.
Spoiler alert.
Spoiler, yeah.
Sorry.
But I mean you can still gain some knowledge and inspiration through a fake story.
Still worth reading.
Do you need a moment?
I think so. I mean, I feel like it's driving that way.
Oh, let me just.
Oh, sorry.
If you don't mind.
No, you know what?
It's not like it's my letter or anything.
I'm going to go talk to Tiamat and just smooth things over.
How about you, you talk amongst yourselves.
Tiamat, Bobby, pal, show me what you've got over here.
Looks like a sconce of human skin.
I am very close to eating you whole.
It won't take much. I'm very small.
Okay, Sully, what's the deal?
What's going on?
Well, okay.
I don't want to get into it all right now, but it kind of seems kind of relevant.
So I'm going to bring it up because I wasn't going to before.
There's never been a really good time, you know.
We're adventuring and suddenly it's the darkest timeline or because it's doing a thing.
You know how it goes.
You lose an eye, you lose an arm.
But like in my youths, like when I was a baby and then into, you know,
toddlerhood and then then you become a child and then you go.
Okay, yeah. Normal, normal kind of aging process.
So until about my teens years, I was, I guess you could say I was kind of,
yeah, I was like raised by the cultists.
Just to clarify, like the cult of the dragon cultists.
Yeah, there's really only like they, I mean, that's the main, that's the main one.
It's like the marquee cult.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're going to be a cultist, like, you know, it's, it's Tiamat all the way.
Go Tiamat!
So, yeah.
So, I mean, we met when you were teen, so.
Oh, so you were, you were like in the cult when we met you.
Yeah, yeah.
I've done some pretty shady stuff.
I'm not proud of, but you know, like cult indoctrination, you know, that kind of thing.
Like brainwash.
I was, I was really young and impressionable.
And, and, and so I, well, I ran away because of circumstances, you know.
And, and that's when I found myself in the woods.
And that's when Miss Meow Meow's thugs found me and threw me in jail.
And then, you know, the rest is history.
But, you know, like, they, they probably been maybe looking for me because, like, my guardian, I guess you could say,
it was kind of like high up there and stuff.
So, I mean, it's like real mad.
OK, I mean, lot to take in.
We cut over to Tiamat and Flamekins.
So this is where you roast the chestnuts on this open fire here.
By chestnuts you mean stupid, stupid demons.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
Sometimes very small humanoids as well.
Oh, well, good thing I'm a goblin.
Wait.
We cut back.
I'm sorry for, for not, not so much lying, but just like withholding the truth.
Well, first reaction.
What the heck?
Second reaction.
I mean, you were just a kid.
Right?
So, I don't know.
It doesn't seem like, you know, if you had just told me you were sneaking away while we were trying to like save the world and going to cult meetings,
you're not saying that, are you?
No, no.
I have had zero contact with the cult.
You might remember the day that you, you were like really passionate about that donkey.
And then like you burned that guy up.
Rolf.
Oh, and you were hiding in the...
Yeah, yeah.
So that was a pretty close call.
But yeah, so this is like real awkward and stuff.
And I think Tiamat's going to be like so mad at me and she's like 100 percent going to eat me and stuff.
So like it's been real great.
I had to like set a good time with you guys.
Learned a lot.
Lots of growth.
Thank you for this opportunity.
Do you think that...
What are the odds here if you had to put like a number on it that we could get Tiamat to like help us because she's super powerful?
She is.
She's like freaking awesome.
Yeah, so...
Like, I mean, I don't like what the cultists did and all and that's why I left because I just really didn't want to murder that family.
Okay, if you say cultists one more time, it was the sisterhood and you know it.
So have been, slight.
Well, I...
It's like the, you know, it's hard to get them up on it over there.
Like all the guys, you know them.
They're like saying cultist cultist and you try to get something going.
But nobody listens.
Look how small I am.
Nobody cared anything of what I said.
Maybe you guys didn't even know I was gone.
Oh, we knew.
We very much knew.
She turns to the Blue Dragon.
Call up that PR firm.
Clearly they're paying them for nothing.
Everyone's still calling it a cult.
Yes, we'll get Benson and Benson on it and I'll be on the phone right now.
Blue Dragon runs off.
I imagine him in like with a tie and...
I totally.
Maybe a clipboard.
Definite marketing department.
Yeah.
Headset for sure.
So, this is kinda.
So did Bahama dump you or did you dump Bahama?
All heads just turned to you.
Let's just say that it wasn't interesting anymore.
Well, that's probably for the best.
And he stole my idea.
Where do you think his whole believers came from and followers of Bahama?
He based it all on the cult.
I mean the sisterhood.
You got the trademark on the sisterhood.
I see.
You got a legal proceedings pending?
No.
Oh.
Okay.
When you're this powerful you really don't need it.
No, that's fair.
It's fair.
Yeah.
He's welcome to it.
His little followers.
They're real pushy too.
No offense, Glim.
No, I'm super pushy.
It's fair.
I mean I still have pamphlets.
How?
It's been school.
Right.
Who's a real cult, right?
Three of the heads go really close to Glim and sniff inhaling.
So, you smell of Bahama and belief and cherries.
Yeah, and like an under note of vanilla definitely is kind of just my natural.
That's what that is.
Yeah.
I mean I want to be up front with you.
We were just in Celestia.
Well yeah, you came through the tunnel.
I do love, I mean okay I wasn't sure if you, yes you kind of know everything that's happening.
You turn and you look and you see a big sign above the tunnel that says Bahama is in case of emergency and scone.
Do you know everything that's going on?
Like up there, like with Orcus?
No.
What really?
Do you know Orcus?
Yes.
Are you familiar?
And your just general thoughts on him?
Fan?
Not a fan?
What are we working with here?
Three of the heads stay on Glim, two of the heads swing over to Moot.
What are your thoughts on Orcus?
Oh, big time not a fan.
Yep.
He's kind of killing the world.
Bold.
Bold when you don't know what the other side is.
But I mean hey, try to be truthful.
Yep.
Something we really like about you Moot.
And I don't say it enough.
I'm sorry I don't know your name.
Dragonborn of Bahamut?
Norixis Akra but just Glim.
Everybody calls me Glim, all my friends.
Norixis is fine.
So Norixis, what would you say should be done to one who has walked away from their belief, their oaths, their kin?
And desecrated Bahamut's name.
Stomped on it.
Well, I mean, are we talking about Sully because...
No, I'm just speaking.
Just hypothetically.
Hypothetically.
Sully raises his hand and nods.
I guess generally I believe that people swear their beliefs when they are understanding what they're swearing and know what that entails, i.e. not children.
Because their brains aren't even formed yet.
How can they be actually swearing an oath when they're, you know, they don't know anything.
Dragons are children for hundreds of years.
It makes no sense.
Well, I mean, I guess, fair point, but it's a little different because Sully isn't a dragon.
I mean, he was just a little guy.
So imagine how small he was when I was a baby.
Oh, you're probably so cute.
I was wee.
All the heads are now swinging over to focus on Agath and Rex.
You smell strange.
Not a talker, I see.
Actions speak louder than words, in my experience.
On that we agree.
Why are you the only one with a mount?
Because I am better at doing many things.
Truth.
And he likes me.
Oh snap!
I mean, 100%.
And you just wait for these fools to walk and catch up to you constantly?
There are some instances where Rex has trouble traversing as well.
It's, you know, little...
Tell them about the bridge!
Yeah, see, there was a bridge that we were having a lot of trouble.
There was a weight limit.
We couldn't really figure out how to, like, get everyone over safely.
He is afraid of heights.
The flats on the bridge were nerve-wracking.
Poor horse is having to, like, experience it all over again.
We're talking about it, you guys.
Be sensitive.
We should give him wings.
Is it him?
He is.
So you've come to my lair and you don't even bring scones.
What is this?
Why are you here?
It was a little bit of a gravity accident.
Plus an impromptu portal from Bahamut.
I wonder if it was an accident, though.
Like, we came through...
Maybe you see the sign, like, in case of emergency.
There's a sign now, and it seems like, of course, Bahamut would have, like,
didn't just open a random portal, right?
I mean, he had a plan.
He's up there fighting to save the world, and we're down here
ready to continue with our destiny to save the world.
Perhaps he trusts you.
Well, he knows how powerful she is, though.
This is a good sign!
Wise words, Silent One.
Having a broken heart, it means we have tried for something.
Eat, pray, love.
Is there a way to get this other one to stop speaking?
I have not found it.
We have tried?
It's... no, is the short answer.
You could eat her.
Yes, I'm considering that.
It might give you indigestion.
You don't know where she's been.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, we've been adventuring together for a long time.
There's some places I haven't been.
Was that a sexual innuendo to a dragon?
Everything she says is a sexual innuendo.
I saw her.
You're the size of one of my toenails.
How would that even work?
The physics are mind-boggling, but I'm here to party.
I'm going to go back to eat, pray, love.
You talk about the plan.
Plan?
So my brother sent you to me.
Is that what you're saying?
It would explain the stink of his goodness all over you.
I think so.
And the horse, too.
Did he touch the horse?
Does he have to touch everything?
He did stroke.
You know when you go through a store and then your hand is out
and you touch all the clothing in the store?
It was kind of like that.
I miss those days.
I've been here so long.
How long was it?
It was not a setup for a joke.
Go back to your book.
You're wishing too much, baby.
You've got to stop wearing your wishbone
where your backbone ought to be.
Stop quoting, eat, pray, love.
I'm hoping I'll find one that fits the situation.
So my brother sent you to me.
Interesting.
Why do you smell from a different time?
Because we are from a different time.
Yeah.
There's a lot to this story.
You're very observant.
I mean, with Bahamut, it really took a lot of...
Oh, the man was slow.
He just...
He matches to the beat of his own drum.
Took a lot of convincing.
But luckily he's sexy.
Yes.
That's what I said!
Yeah, well, I mean, try your best.
Again, the size issue.
I mean, he was an old man.
There's other issues involved now.
So we came from the future?
The future.
Because it's like real shitty.
All the heads are now a centimeter away
from all different sides of Soy's face.
So, so like...
Choose your words carefully.
So of insight.
The future is doomed.
Everybody is dead.
Yes, yes, yes.
And we can't...
But the dragons rule, correct?
Oh, no.
No, he's killed all the dragons too
and made them like undead dragons.
Undead?
Abominations if you ask me.
You're so much more powerful
in your glory like right now.
That should not be possible.
He's doing all sorts of bad shit
and we need help.
It's too bad you abandoned us, isn't it?
So of insight.
Or maybe he's just returning in your hour of need.
Ah, yes.
So perhaps you are going to
retake your vows in this moment?
Should I prepare the dais for you,
so of insight?
I really don't want to kill
one of my friends though.
Yes, I figured.
But how about when it's all done?
You can sacrifice me.
Oh, yes, yes.
Make promises that you're not going to keep.
That's working well for you, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
It's something I've been relying on
for a long time.
You know, it's a character flaw
that I have that I'm working on.
Yeah.
By practicing.
It doesn't feel good to be lying for a long time
and I'm glad you guys know about my past now
and I am really sorry, Tiamat,
but I think it's, you know,
asking a teenager to kill a whole family
is just too much.
I mean, yeah.
That's, I mean, Tiamat.
Come on.
It's, it's...
I mean, I know you wanted to like
rise, right?
Yeah, Stance, let's all,
let's all talk ethics now.
Let's talk how pretty and how wonderful it is
to be able to say, oh, looking back.
But maybe Orcus wouldn't be ruling the universe
if someone had done what they were supposed to do.
Are you...
Wait, this one might fit.
Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts
and you are the slave to your emotion.
That's a good one, actually.
I am feeling real emotional right now.
I'm not going to lie.
That's...
I mean, that's, that's pretty true.
We shouldn't make any of these decisions
based on emotions.
I know you're disappointed in me.
And I am sorry for that
because, you know, there were some good times.
Like playing hockey with those skulls.
That was pretty cool.
And, you know, and all the barbecues.
Yes, yes, we did have good barbecues.
I mean, there was a real community.
There was a real community.
I miss them.
All I have here are demons
and once every hundred or so years, a scone.
I mean, if we had known about the scones...
Yeah, things were pretty hectic back in Celestia.
Otherwise we, I mean, and if we come back ever,
100% scone.
Yeah, if we don't die.
Whatever.
Do you like like a clotted cream with it?
I mean, we'll, whatever you want.
There's clotted cream?
I'm assuming.
Yeah, and jams.
I mean, there could be.
If the world doesn't end...
He only ever shoves me a plate of old scones.
Oh, not even fresh scones?
Well, not by the time they get here at least.
Oh, fear. Yeah, fear.
Can I make a small point and please correct me if I'm wrong.
Sully, I love you.
I love you too.
But I don't feel like you killing that specific family
and then, but not doing it and running away
probably was not like the linchpin
that made it so that you didn't,
so that Orcus took over the world.
That probably wasn't, I mean,
I don't know how important, Sully,
how important were you to the whole organization overall
that, you know, I mean, let's be realistic.
Well, well, hey, I don't, I was moving up
and, but I mean, in that moment,
it was the family actually.
No, it's fair.
Nothing to do with Orcus, but.
The family just actually witnessed another murder.
The whole principle of the thing.
So, it was like tying up loose ends,
but they had children.
I mean, I can see being so sad, Tiamat.
If someone that I loved and I thought was my family
just disappeared, I mean,
that must have been really hard.
Oh, boo hoo hoo.
I'm stuck down here for millennia, unable to escape.
You almost did though, right?
How'd that feel?
So good.
So good.
Was this a therapy session?
So good, so close.
One stupid little dwarf-like thing
between me and freedom.
Here I am back.
Are you talking about fleet?
Oh, that's, yes.
Oh, yes.
Tiamat is storming over.
Oh, let's say that name some more.
How long do you want to live, little one?
I mean, I've had a pretty good run.
It depends how I'm going out.
We thought the syphilis would take us.
Say that name one more time.
Don't do it.
Look, I found another good one about you and Bahama, baby.
So, a true soulmate is probably the most important person
you'll ever meet because they tear down your walls
and smack you awake.
But to live with a soulmate forever?
Nah, too painful.
Soulmates, they come into your life
just to reveal another layer of yourself to you
and then leave.
That's what Bahama was for you.
He was just there to show another part of yourself.
You love scones.
But I left first.
Of course, that's what we said.
Is that what I said?
That's what I heard.
That's what Jeff said.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
What if we could get you out?
What?
Hey, everybody.
Hopefully, you're having fun in this episode.
Welcome to the middle.
Loved having Sean back to play Tiamat.
He's in this episode and the next one playing Tiamat,
and just let me tell you,
so much fun unpacking Tiamat's state of mind,
as well as some very interesting things
coming up for Destiny's Children.
Obviously, we've been a little bit behind
on regular releases, been giving some bonus content,
but we also have a lot of fun stuff
but we are in the background recording everything.
We are so far ahead.
I can't say anything about where we are
because there's so many spoilies that come along with it.
But just know that we are ramping towards something
that we think is so epic and so much fun.
But that's not all we've got going on.
In December, we've got some great things happening.
Listen to an episode on December 1st.
Sign up for our newsletter.
Get into our Discord.
Join us on social media.
There's a super fun announcement
for our Patreon community on December 1st
that you are going to enjoy, I do believe.
That's all I got for that.
Just a little tease for you.
But now let's get you back to the episode
and unpack all that good stuff.
Huge thanks to Sean and Kristen for joining us, always.
But now here's the episode.
We'll talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
What if we could get you out?
Oh, that sounds fun.
What did you say?
Well, I mean...
So Orcus is gonna do some real bad stuff,
but he's already started to do the real bad stuff,
but he's setting up hubs in places,
and he's turning towns into zombie towns,
and it's just kind of like this thing
where he's placing people,
and it all just kind of goes his way,
and that's happening right now.
Well, he's been, yeah, kidnapping gods and...
Oh, yeah, that too.
...removing them.
Oh, yeah.
They're trying to get Bahamut right now.
They're actually gonna,
they're probably gonna get him.
Yeah, so at the end of the future,
where we came from, is quite bad.
Everything is dead.
Yeah, there's no magic.
There's no magic, the dragons are all...
Except for the dragons.
No.
No.
No, very much dead.
Or undead, because he does some...
Undead, I mean, he really likes...
No, it is an abomination.
Sort of his whole thing is that, you know,
you find peace in being a mindless zombie
working for Orcus, I think.
What was the name of that dragon
that you killed, Glim, the dead one,
that had come back and was terrorizing
our friends there?
Oh, um...
It was like a green dragon.
Anyway, if you know any green dragons,
I think the name started with a K.
That was one that he turned into an undead dragon.
Was it Cuth?
That was the one.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
He really was having just such a blank
in my mind then.
That went wrong.
All the...
Yeah, so just everything,
like literally everything, is dead.
Like, the world is...
All the people are zombies,
the dragons are a abomination.
I mean, it's very bad.
I just saw Cuth last week.
Well, I hope you had a nice visit,
because...
Like, nine years from now, right?
I mean, I'm not great with time,
but somewhere in that neighborhood?
I know.
We've been all over the place,
but yeah, in some years,
it's all going to kind of come to a head,
unless someone really powerful can stop them.
Well, I can't leave Avernus
for another thousand years.
I think I found another quote
that might fit this situation, Sully.
Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face.
You really need to be certain
it's what you want before you commit.
Okay, raise of hands.
How many people would like me to eat this one?
Raising, looking.
Okay, a Goth.
A Goth, put your hand down.
Racks is lifted.
That's two.
Like a paw.
We're almost to half.
Come on, come on.
Someone else.
One other.
You get what I'm saying, Sully?
Well, yeah, I do,
but do you have any other ideas?
I don't know.
Go on.
The floor is yours.
Yeah, I hate TMS.
No, it's not.
It's actually TMS.
Operation Self-Esteem.
Dave fucking won.
Yeah, that's a quote from the book, too.
Oh my gosh.
Let's talk about it.
I kind of love it.
If we are going to have a plan name,
like say we come up with a plan.
Yeah.
I need that.
I like that.
Operation Self-Esteem.
Yeah, let's put a pin in that.
Sully, I think what you're saying is pretty interesting.
I mean, Tiamat, I know that my understanding of the history
of the cultists, sorry, the sisterhood,
was doing quite a lot of kind of pretty bad stuff
to get you back.
So like if you were back,
are you just going to like destroy the whole world anyway?
Like is that kind of what your ultimate goal was?
Yeah, if that's going to happen anyway,
like Orcus is on it and you could just be like, okay.
Just relax here.
Like he's got it.
I was not going to destroy the world.
We were going to rule the world, a change.
Like what would that look like exactly?
That was the deal Orcus brought to us.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Could you?
Oh, you struck a deal.
Are you and Orcus like a team?
I guess we should have maybe asked.
Are you guys a couple now?
She never did actually answer the question about thoughts on.
That's true, yeah.
Oh, I am going to devour piece by small piece
while they are still alive.
The next time I see Orcus,
I will destroy them and make it take an eternity.
Yeah, that sounds great.
That sounds great, everybody.
Wow.
However, a certain individual who will not be named
has banished me to Avernus for,
well, close to another thousand years.
It's written in the margins here, says Asmodeus.
Asmodeus banished me here.
Yeah, right next to the quote,
some days are meant to be counted,
others are meant to be weighed.
Well, thank God that one for a long time.
Please.
Make sure you take this one with you when you leave.
You gave her the book, so I mean, clue.
It's usually just more sexual stuff.
It's not like these sort of actually kind of inspiring good quotes.
Like, I don't.
It's really a whole 180 that's going on here.
Yeah.
This is an improvement?
Well, it's different.
Say that.
It's just very different.
Yeah, it depends if you like the attention and not,
you know, because, like, she'll really focus.
So why did my brother send you here?
Beyond torturing me and not bringing scones.
Right.
Quick question about, like, how things work at your level,
because obviously you're, like, way up here and we're down here.
Way down there.
Yeah, like, we're just so far down below.
When a god is kidnapped,
so when they are doing, like, their banishments and stuff,
like, would them being gone affect that banishment?
Or is that sort of like a locked in kind of thing?
Oh, like if Orcus tried to steal Tiamat.
I'm unsure of how my banishment is connected to the gods.
I mean, like, if Bahamut has been just kidnapped,
which, I mean, probably, right?
I mean, it certainly looks like it's going that way.
It seems like it's probably.
Talk about burying the lead.
What?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we said that right off the top.
I guess we instead had our little tete-a-tete about Solly's past and all of that.
I'm sorry.
This isn't about me.
Yeah, Bahamut.
All the gods get kidnapped in the future and, like, kind of currently.
Yes, yes, that was part of the plan.
Oh.
So all magic dies.
Yeah, and then they sent another team to go kill Orcus.
I feel like we just jumped a bit on the plan.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
I just, I went to go let the dog back in.
Just got so involved in that chapter, I guess.
Yeah.
I'm on deep grief, so I'll find one here in a moment that's relevant.
Yeah, it's because we are.
You keep looking.
I mean, I am, I haven't had even a second to process it,
but I'm definitely going to be having some grief that we just went to Celestia
to try and stop Bahamut from getting kidnapped, and that didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure it's.
Oh, yeah, there will be an overrun.
He just got.
But wait, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
The original ask from Leosin.
Tiamat eats.
Tiamat eats.
Tiamat eats.
Swallows.
That's it.
Flammokins has been swallowed.
Okay.
What were you saying?
Can you just like spit her back up and I'll like gag her or something?
I'll gag her.
Like, no problem.
I'm sort of fond of her.
She's kind of useful sometimes.
She has a fuck room.
I don't know if that is going to change anything.
Fine.
Tiamat spits up.
So he rushes over and just.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?
The plan was not to stop him from being captured.
It was just to let him know that it was happening, dude.
We've said it then.
Yeah.
I mean, I know, but I guess obviously in my heart, I thought like.
You know, I could stop it.
Who?
Who was kidnapping my brother?
Orcus.
It's part of his plan to like take over everything and weaken everything and kill magic and.
And happiness too.
Like nobody has barbecues up there.
No.
Like.
I mean, nobody's worshipping.
Definitely no scones.
Oh, the sisterhood is gone.
It's just totally gone.
I mean.
Completely obliterated.
It's like all Orcus all the time now.
Or in the future.
It's really the Orcus show.
It sucks.
Did Bahamut tell you that we had both agreed to work with Orcus?
I don't think it came up.
No, but I do think that he's been the double crossed.
Yes, we have been.
We're getting lots of new information.
Glim, you're going to have to process this.
Nobody's perfect.
Not even God's.
I mean, I didn't.
I mean, this seems like a fairly big.
Departure.
Glim has just sat down.
Like just.
I don't.
Sully was in the cult.
She's like broken.
This was not supposed to go this way.
This was not supposed to turn dragons and everything into zombies.
This was supposed to remove a few meddlesome gods that were out of control, abusing their power.
But clearly we have been tricked.
So what exactly would you like to do about that?
Your Majesty.
Your graceful awesomeness.
I'm having less and less issue with you having left the sisterhood.
I'm nothing but trouble.
So did my brother say anything?
Did he give you any clue to why he was sending you to me?
Think.
I mean, he made us wait in a line for a really long time for no reason.
So he's kind of a jokester.
So I don't know if this is supposed to be funny or he's got Canadian roots.
He likes queuing.
Do you think it's useful or is it just probably?
I think I think I heard it's not a quote.
I mean, honestly, I think it's up to Tiamat.
We're used to her, so it's not even.
Just background noise at this point.
Yeah, so it's up to you. Just let us know if you're interested in what she has to say.
Oh, no, I'm not interested in anything she has to say.
Okay.
I don't remember Bahamut saying things.
Did he yell anything when he sent us through this portal?
My ears popped, you know, when that, you know, with the pressure shift between the temporal realms and stuff like that,
my ears totally popped. I couldn't hear a dang thing for like two minutes.
One of the heads is slowly moving over to just stare at Agatha.
Like in, like what the?
So Silent One.
Yes.
What action are you driven to at this moment?
Agatha is going to take a second, I think.
And yeah, I think.
Like, I don't really touch the character sheet that much,
but I'm pretty sure that create food and drink is a cleric spell.
Can I create a big tray of scones that's enough to feed like 45 worth people right now?
I love this.
So without a word, Agatha will think for a moment and then
make Tiamat a scone feast
and say,
help us fuck up Orcus.
It has been a long time since I have been struck speechless.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 138, starring Amy More as Sully,
Carla Maxdead as Glim, Tom Laird as Moot,
with Kristen Flemmons as Agatha, Sean Howard as Tiamat,
and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Production and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound, Artlist, and Kavin McCloud,
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
Craig Zeiss, Aaron Stevens, Perry Matey, Kayla Littlejohn,
L.A. Branton, Old School Gamer D, Nathaniel Teeter,
Destiny Garcia, Nicholas Cooper, and Garand Kierzen, and Sugar Gnar.
Hear your name here, or just take advantage of hundreds of hours of bonus content,
live hangouts, discord access to the cast, and so much more at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.